


Petals Falling From the Heart

by ClearSkyBlue



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Hanahaki AU, Kinda, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, fair warning, y'all I'm a Kiho shipper don't be decieved by the tags, yes wonho ships are tagged but I am certified Kiho trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13761351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClearSkyBlue/pseuds/ClearSkyBlue
Summary: Hanahaki is a disease of the heart that attacks the lungs. It lets you know that you are in love with somebody and that they do not love you back. It is your sign to take action, to get them to love you.To Hoseok, Hanahaki is the visible scars of heartbreak. A beautiful process yet so painful, but Hoseok is used to it already.“For real, Hoseok, why do you refuse to believe that he likes you back?”“It’s not that I refuse to believe. It’s just that-”“He’s not going to hurt you, Hoseok.”





	Petals Falling From the Heart

Hoseok looked at Hyungwon sitting across from him. They were studying the same subject as far as Hoseok knew, and there was a chair right next to Hoseok; yet, Hyungwon chose to sit right across from him. Hyungwon said that it was for space since he had a lot of notes that he wanted to spread out on the table, which was true. His whole area was messy with all types of notes - notes Hoseok could benefit from. 

Hoseok should expect the distant though. It was becoming more and more common as the weeks past. 

Hoseok sighed and looked down at his book. He had been reading the same sentence over and over again and he still could not process it. Not because it was hard, but because he was just not focusing enough on it. It was hard to focus when he was so uncomfortable with his body. There was a discomfort in his chest that ran all the way up to his throat. It was a weird discomfort, the type that felt like it could be easy to get rid of but never went away. Hoseok had been continuously rubbing his chest for the past few weeks to no avail. He had no idea what it could possibly be. He had experienced these symptoms before, but they were under a different circumstance. They were not possible now. 

Hoseok felt it again.

The annoying feeling that made a person wish they could reach the back of their throat and pull out whatever was back there. Hoseok growled. Why did he have to feel like this now? He just wanted to enjoy a nice little study date with his favorite guy, even if that guy was sitting silently across the table. Hoseok grabbed his throat in hopes that it would stop the imminent coughing fit. He tried to clear his throat to no avail. Hyungwon took notice of him for once in the past few weeks and raised an eyebrow. Hoseok looked at him. “Do you have any water?” He asked in hopes of washing the feeling down. His voice was raspy.

Hyungwon shook his head, “I don’t. Are you okay?” 

Hoseok started coughing before he could answer Hyungwon. They were loud, hard, ugly sounding coughs that were catching the attention of everyone in the library. Hoseok covered his mouth. Hyungwon looked at Hoseok with worried eyes, and Hoseok waved a free hand in a dismissive matter to show that it was nothing bad, but his coughs proved otherwise. 

Hoseok felt something coming up with time. He desperately hoped it was the thing that had been causing him so much discomfort. He coughed harder until he felt something in his mouth. It was bitter, tangy yet familiar in taste. Hoseok did not think it possible. It could not possibly be what he thought it could be. 

Using his tongue to push the item to the front of his mouth (it felt familiar, too. It could not be), Hoseok discreetly grabbed the item with the hand that covered his mouth. He looked at the item and gasped, covering his mouth with his free hand.

“Are you okay, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked him again, worried.

Hoseok looked at him in shock. He gulped, trying to wash away the bitter feeling that he knew was not only due to the item in his hand but to his new discovery, and slowly nodded. 

It could not be possible. A petal. He coughed up a petal. No, this whole coughing up petals thing only happened if a person was in love with a person who was not in love with them.

As far as Hoseok was concerned, Hyungwon and he were still happily dating.

________________

 

Well, Hoseok never noticed this cafe before. It must be new, he figured. Hoseok looked at his watch. He had time for a latte. He went to sleep way too late and woke up way too early. He deserved a latte. Hoseok smiled and stepped inside of the cafe. His entrance was announced with a bell. The few baristas greeted him cheerfully, and Hoseok appreciated the mood they were trying to set up. It uplifted his spirits up rather quickly. 

Hoseok looked up at the menu as he slowly walked to the cash register. He knew what he wanted to order by the time he made it to the cash register.

“Hello! What can I get you today?” A sweet voice asked him. That pleasant voice surprised him so much that Hoseok instantly looked away from the menu to see who had spoken to him.

Words got lost in his mouth and he forgot what he wanted to order. 

“Uh…” Hoseok said dumbly. The barista smiled at him patiently, and now Hoseok could not even remember what he was here for. He looked around, anywhere but the barista. “Um…” he looked at the menu. “W-What would you recommend?” 

The barista grinned widely at him and turned to look at the menu behind me. “We have great options here, sir…” and he kept talking. Hoseok barely listened to his words. He just listened to the sound of his voice and the way his lips moved every time he turned to face Hoseok. 

Hoseok ended up ordering a latte in the end. 

________________

 

Hoseok made it to the toilet just in time. He violently coughed up flower petals that gently and dedicatedly fell on the water. His hard grip on the sides of the toilet bowl was making his knuckles white. This hurt. This was hurting so much. His chest constricted painfully with every cough, and by the end, he was left wheezing, breathless, and without strength. 

Hoseok weakly looked down as the toilet bowl as he tried to gain strength. Accompanying the pretty petals were droplets of blood. Hoseok let it happen again. This was starting to become unbearable. 

There was a soft knock on the stall door. “Hoseok, are you okay?” Hyunwoo asked. 

Hoseok looked at the stall door and then the toilet bowl. He sighed and cleared his throat. “Yes, I’m fine,” he raspilly answered. He wiped his mouth with his black sleeve in case there was blood around his mouth and then flushed the toilet. He left the stall and went straight to watch his hands. 

Hyunwoo had been right next to the stall. He followed Hoseok to the sinks, “are you sure, Hoseok? You’re pale. You don’t look fine.” 

Hoseok chuckled as he washed his hands, “I’m naturally pale.”

Hyunwoo sighed, “You know that is not what I meant, Hoseok.” He stepped away from Hoseok and towards the stall Hoseok was at. Hoseok wondered what exactly he was looking for. Hyunwoo narrowed his eyes, “I see a petal by the side of the toilet.”

Hoseok froze in the middle of closing the faucet. How could he have missed that?

Hyunwoo looked at him, “you have Hanahaki?”

Hoseok sighed because there was no point in denying it. He nodded, “I do.”

“How long?” Hyunwoo asked.

Hoseok shrugged, “few days.” Months, really.

“Don’t lie to me,” Hyunwoo frowned.

“I’m not,” Hoseok looked at him.

“There’s blood on that petal,” Hyunwoo motioned to the stall. Hoseok’s eyes widened. “How long?”

Hoseok sighed. There was no point in lying anymore. “A few months.”

“How many?” Hyunwoo kept up the questions. Hoseok wanted it to stop. 

Hoseok shrugged. He did not really know. “Four, five?” 

Hyunwoo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Really, Hoseok? Who is it?”

“Someone,” Hoseok closed the tab and turned to Hyunwoo, “it doesn't matter.”

“You have a chance with them?” Hyunwoo looked at the stall again, “if you don’t, I think you should take the elixir. You are entering a dangerous situation.”

Hoseok shook his head, “No, I’ll keep going for a while longer.”

“No, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo frowned. “You’ll end up in the hospital soon enough. You know that your lungs damage the moment you cough up blood, not the moment you have no choice but to go to the hospital. Hell, you should go to the hospital the moment you start coughing up blood. You need to take that elixir. Getting rid of those feelings is the only way of bettering you now. I don’t want you sick. You do this so much. Your lungs are already weak.” 

Hoseok frowned deeply. He felt his eyes wanting to tear up. Hyunwoo was right. He waited far too long every single time that his lungs were a bit damaged because of it. He was only causing more damage by clinging on to the naive feeling that maybe he would be liked back. Hoseok nodded, “you’re right.” 

Hyunwoo sighed and walked towards Hoseok. He placed a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, “we’ll stall our next gym session until you are well again after you have taken the elixir. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

Hoseok looked down, avoiding Hyunwoo’s gaze in hopes to not warm up because of it, “alright.”

Hyunwoo nodded, “good, now let’s go change and then eat, okay?” 

Hoseok looked at him and smiled, “yes.”

Hoseok then watched Hyunwoo walk out of the bathroom. His smile fell, and he frowned again. He hated Hyunwoo being right. Hoseok should not wait anymore. He did not have a chance. He was only causing himself more harm by waiting. He hated his habit of waiting, waiting to see if there was a chance with that other person even when there was not. He should just take the elixir. He should just get rid of his feelings. 

Hoseok should just be happy that Hyunwoo is happily dating someone else.

________________

 

Yoo Kihyun was his name. Hoseok found out the fifth time coming to the cafe and the second time he saw the attractive barista in shift. It was written on his apron. Hoseok had been too busy looking at the barista’s face that he never bothered looking even a little down. 

“Ah, we meet again,” Kihyun had said when Hoseok was finally at the front of the line. He smiled at Hoseok, and Hoseok felt the flutters on his insides. They worried yet excited him. 

“Yes,” Hoseok said lamely, captivated by the dimples that formed in Kihyun’s cheeks when he smiled and by the fact that this cute barista remembered him. He was afraid that he had just humiliated himself in front of Kihyun, but instead, Kihyun laughed, in a non-condescending matter, like he had thought it was cute. Hoseok found himself fine with the idea of Kihyun thinking he was cute. 

“What can I get for you today, sir?” Kihyun asked. 

“Hoseok,” Hoseok answered instead, on impulse, not really sure why, but he started so he might as well finish, especially when Kihyun looked confused, “my name is Hoseok.” 

“Ah,” Kihyun nodded. He pointed at his apron, “Kihyun.”

Hoseok smiled, “I see.” He momentarily wondered if they were taking a long time, but there was no one else waiting in line, so it did not matter. 

“So, what can I get for you today, Hoseok?” Kihyun asked, putting a little emphasize on Hoseok’s name.

Hoseok decided that he liked it, the way his name sounded in Kihyun’s voice. He almost forgot again why he was supposed to be in line for. He chuckled, “what would you recommend for me?”

Kihyun hummed, putting his finger on his chin. Hoseok wondered if he was now trying to be cute. Hoseok would not be able to tell the difference. Kihyun could hum like a congested giant and Hoseok would still find him cute. “The weather is hot outside,” Kihyun muttered to no one in particular. “What fruit do you like?” He asked Hoseok.

Hoseok shrugged nonchalantly, “I like strawberries.” 

“We have a pretty good strawberry green tea,” Kihyun pointed up at the area of teas in the menu.

Hoseok nodded, “sure, I’ll take one.” 

Kihyun nodded and set the order on the computer, asking the needed questions left. “Anything else, si- Hoseok?” 

Hoseok smiled. He really did like Kihyun’s voice. He wanted to keep talking to him. He looked at the pastry counter next to the cashier, deciding that he was craving something sweet. “What’s good there?” He asked.

“Everything,” Kihyun answered. “I baked the brownies, cookies, and cakes this morning.”

“Amazing,” Hoseok said in amazement, “If they’re baked by you, they must be as sweet as-” your voice. Hoseok stopped himself before finishing the sentence. Hoseok looked at Kihyun, whose eyes were wide and cheeks were pink as if he knew how Hoseok was going to finish that sentence. Hoseok now wanted to finish that sentence. “I’ll have the mini strawberry shortcake,” Hoseok said instead. 

Kihyun nodded slowly, “yes…” He placed the order, and Hoseok paid for it. He gave the strawberry shortcake in a pretty little plate to Hoseok and said, “go sit down. I will call you when the strawberry green tea is ready.”

Hoseok nodded and went to sit down. He watched Kihyun make the drink himself. The cafe was a bit empty at this time of day, so there was no one coming to order and whoever ordered was attended by another employee. Hoseok smiled as he took a bite of the sweet strawberry shortcake. 

Kihyun brought him the strawberry green tea himself. 

________________

 

Lee Minhyuk was like the wind. He freely roamed to wherever he wanted, to whomever he wanted. He never stayed in one place. He always had strength and energy. Like the wind, Lee Minhyuk wrapped around a person to the point where that person could feel him everywhere constantly. Like the wind, Lee Minhyuk had the impact of either destroying your way of life and turning it upside down or being the sole reason why your life works the way it did. 

Maybe describing Minhyuk to the wind was a little too nice.

Minhyuk was a river: strong, wild, and unstoppable. His waters flowed through systems never staying in the same place. Minhyuk clashed against your rocks constantly until they crumbled or moved enough to let him through. Once he took a hold of you, he dragged you down with no chance of escape.Once he was there, he became a permanent fixture on your map, your life. Even when he was no longer there, the dry mud of his once raging waters stayed behind to constantly haunt your thoughts. 

Maybe that was why Hoseok was so attracted to him. 

Like the river, Minhyuk had a beauty about him. Something that tied Hoseok in and dragged him in. Minhyuk had this way of bringing people in, of making people believe that they need him and that he needs them. Minhyuk did not though. Minhyuk was free like the river. He was never one to tie himself down in some place with someone. 

Hoseok knew that.

He knew Minhyuk was a free spirit that attached himself to no one. He knew he was never the only one involved with Minhyuk. Minhyuk made it clear. Being with Minhyuk was never being him at all. 

Hoseok knew that. 

He knew that the first time he kissed Minhyuk. He knew that the second time he was pushed to a bed by Minhyuk. He knew that the third time he tore Minhyuk’s clothes off, the sixth he left marks on his skin, the seventh time Minhyuk screamed out his name, the eighth time Minhyuk left before the crack of dawn.

Hoseok knew that!

And yet, he still caught feelings, and he caught them hard. Like most people, Hoseok became trapped in Minhyuk’s waters. He should have seen it coming. Hoseok was dumb, unfortunately. Even if he saw it coming, he would have still gladly fallen for Minhyuk. 

It was causing him so much pain again. 

A day did not pass where Hoseok did not cough up bloody petals. If he kept going like this, he would soon end up in the hospital. He was still so unwilling to take the elixir to heal him. He still wanted to keep his feelings for Minhyuk.

Minhyuk was worth it. 

Minhyuk was so worth it. 

He had shown Hoseok things Hoseok did not know about himself. He had taken Hoseok to places Hoseok never thought of going to. He had given Hoseok dreams Hoseok was too scared to dream of.

These feelings were the only thing Hoseok could give Minhyuk even if Minhyuk did not know of them, did not want them.

“I love you.” 

Bad timing, bad everything. Hoseok was not sure why those words escaped his mouth, but they did, and now Minhyuk was frozen, wide-eyed, on his lap. Hoseok knew he had fucked up. He revealed his feelings to someone who clearly did not care so carelessly. The worst thing about it was that Hoseok meant them so much that he was not willing to take them back. He meant them with every fiber of his being, and Minhyuk should know that. 

Even if his stone cold silence was tearing Hoseok apart. 

Hoseok now wanted to scream that even if he had those feelings, they did not matter. They would go back to what they were doing before. Please, Hoseok did not want to lose everything because of one stupid mistake. It never happened. Hoseok loved Minhyuk, but that was beside the point. Those feelings could be ignored. Hoseok just wanted to kiss Minhyuk one more time, wanted to run his hands through his hair and his back, wanted to forget the world with Minhyuk on top of him or under him. Hoseok wanted to grab Minhyuk’s cheeks, wanted to kiss that expression off his face, wanted to tell him to forget everything that just happened. He opened his mouth to do so, reaching slowing for Minhyuk’s cheeks -

Minhyuk pushed him away.

________________

 

“A cafe?” Jooheon looked around. 

“You did say the library was getting stuffy and you needed a change of scenery,” Hoseok told him.

“Is this the cafe you keep talking about?” Jooheon looked at him.

“Maybe,” Hoseok smiled. 

“Okay,” Jooheon nodded, adjusting his backpack and walking towards the front door of the cafe. Hoseok followed close behind him. “I hope that the shortcakes are as sweet as you rave they are.” Hoseok smiled at him. Jooheon looked away and cleared his throat.

They entered the cafe. Kihyun was at the cashier. Hoseok smiled at that. He had gotten pretty good at predicting when Kihyun was in shift in the past few months that he had been coming here; however, Kihyun was not always working at the cashier. Sometimes, he was making the drinks, setting the pastries, cleaning, etc. Even in those times though, if Kihyun saw him, he would smile. 

“Oh,” Jooheon stopped at the door. “Is that Kihyun?” He asked.

“You know him?” Hoseok looked at him.

Jooheon nodded, “Kind of. We went to the same high school. He was VP of a club I was in. He now goes to the art institute downtown if I remember correctly.”

“Ah,” Hoseok nodded in understanding. He had been wanting to ask Kihyun why he had never seen him in the city’s university, where Hoseok studied, since he looked young enough to be a university student, but he had never gotten around to it. There was no need now, he guessed. 

“I should greet him or something. Be a respectful underclassman or something. He seemed like a good guy back then,” Jooheon said and walked towards Kihyun. 

“Hello,” Kihyun did his usual barista greeting, “how may I help you, sir?” He looked at Hoseok, “hi, Hoseok.” Hoseok grinned and greeted him back. 

Jooheon eyed Hoseok for a brief second before turning back to Kihyun. “Kihyun, hello,” he addressed Kihyun as his senior and bowed. “I'm Lee Jooheon. We were part of the same club back in high school.”

Kihyun narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, trying to remember Jooheon. Hoseok had to bite his lip to not awe. “Lee Jooheon…” he muttered. Then, his eyes widened, “wait, weren't you the second year student that set up a rap concert at the basketball court that the teachers were forced to shut down by cutting off all the electricity of the school, so we all turned it into an acapella rap concert instead?”

Jooheon chuckled and nodded, “yeah.”

“Woah,” Kihyun smiled, “amazing. You’re a legend. Apparently, students still talk about that day.” He reached out the shake Jooheon’s hand. “Thank you for giving me my favorite high school memory.”

“You’re welcome,” Jooheon shook his hand. “My friend here is crazy for the strawberry shortcakes, so now I have to try one.” 

As Kihyun placed the order, he said, “of course he’s crazy for them. They’re delicious. I bake them myself.” Hoseok thought that was probably the main reason he was crazy for the shortcakes. “Anything else?” Jooheon ordered a drink and paid for his order. After finishing Jooheon’s order, Kihyun turned to Hoseok, “Hoseok, what about you?” 

“I’ll have the usual,” Hoseok grinned at him. Kihyun smiled back and placed the order. 

Jooheon and Hoseok waited for their drinks by the pastries counter and then sat down after getting them. “Wow, I never thought I’d see Kihyun here. It’s been so long,” Jooheon said as he took out study notes. 

Hoseok nodded, pretending he was listening. Instead, he was watching how the sunlight that came through to windows illuminated Kihyun’s features. Hoseok was close enough to see how the light glistened in his eyes. Hopefully, he was not close enough for Kihyun to see that he was staring at him. He tried to keep it as subtle as he could these past few months. He was horrible at subtlety though. 

“Hoseok,” Jooheon tried to call his attention. Hoseok hummed, still looking at Kihyun. “Are you listening to me?” Hoseok nodded. “What was I talking about?” Jooheon asked. 

“Kihyun,” Hoseok said without a second thought. 

“I haven’t mentioned Kihyun in like, ten sentences. I was talking about our work. What the hell, man?” Jooheon looked over to where Hoseok was looking, “why do you keep looking at him so much? Do you like him?”

Hoseok had nothing to hide. “Thought so, but no.” 

“No?” Jooheon looked at Hoseok, eyebrow raised. “You won’t stop staring at him. Is he the actual reason you come here? Why do you say no then?”

Hoseok finally broke away from looking at Kihyun and looked at Jooheon before sighing. “Because if I liked him, I would have liked him for months already. That would have given me Hanahaki.”

“Ah,” Jooheon nodded in understanding. Then, his eyes widened. “Wait, wait a minute, if you haven’t gotten Hanahaki yet, that could mean…” He stopped talking.

“That I don’t like him like I think I do?” Hoseok raised a brow, “I told you.”

“No!” Jooheon laughed, “wait - no, are you dense, you idiot?” 

“No?” Hoseok actually questioned his answer.

Jooheon laughed harder. Once he calmed down, he said, “Hoseok, I think- no, I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

________________

 

Hoseok was writing his paper when he heard his younger brother, Youngho, scream from the other room. Hoseok ran to his brother’s room to make sure that everything was okay (it probably was. Youngho only really screamed when he was frustrated with a video game) and opened the door to find his brother with a panic-stricken face and a singular, small petal resting on his hand. 

Oh.

Youngho looked at Hoseok with so much panic on his face. “I don’t understand. What just happened?” He was trembling. “Why did a petal just come out of my mouth?”

Hoseok chuckled at him. He sat down next to Youngho on the bed and said, “relax, Youngho.” He patted Youngho’s shoulder. He pointed at the petal, “it’s Hanahaki. It quite normal.”

Youngho looked at him with surprise, “wait, Hanahaki? The disease? I have Hanahaki?” He looked at the petal, “this is Hanahaki?” 

Hoseok nodded, “yes, the disease born of unrequited love.” He sighed. He had experienced it far too many times. 

Youngho simply looked at the petal, intently, still shocked. He gently rubbed it with his other hand, “I’ve never seen someone who has Hanahaki.” Hoseok coughed awkwardly. He did tend to keep his own bouts of Hanahaki secret from the family, or else they would pester him to take the elixir even early on in the sickness. Youngho looked at Hoseok, “isn’t there something to help me get rid of it?” 

Hoseok looked at him in surprise. “Get rid of it? You just got it.” 

Youngho raised a brow, “what? But isn’t that what you do when you get Hanahaki?”

Hoseok paused, “Well, I guess, yeah, but it’s in its early stages. It’s just affirming that you like someone. You shouldn’t get rid of it if you haven’t given the other person the chance to like you back.” 

Youngho nodded, “I guess that makes sense, but…” He sighed, “it’s no use.”

Hoseok narrowed his eyes, “what do you mean it’s no use? You, a member of this family, think that it’s no use?” Hoseok made sure to sound offended for the humor. Youngho chuckled. Mission accomplished. “Anyone would be glad to have you, bro,” Hoseok gave Youngho a side hug. Youngho thanked him. Hoseok chuckled, “you’re welcome.” Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with emotions, like usually. “Oh, look at my little brother! Barely starting middle school and already having his first serious crush!” He hugged Youngho against his will, “I swear, they grow up so fast.”

“Let go!” Youngho pushed him away and sent him a glare.

Hoseok wiped away fake tears. “So,” he scooted closer to Youngho, as if he was some teenage girl ready to gossip with her friend, “so who’s the lucky person?” 

Youngho shook his head, “no one, Hoseok.” 

“Tch,” Hoseok shook his head in disappointment. “Alright then,” he stood up. “I have a paper to write, so I’ll talk to you later.” He pointed at his little brother, “I hope you take my words to heart and see where this whole Hanahaki thing leads. Don’t tell mom and dad. They’ll force you to take the elixir.”

Youngho mocked a salute, “yes, sir.” Hoseok smiled and left the room. 

Hoseok honestly thought that would be the last time he would hear about his brother having Hanahaki. He was caught up on his own life that he forgot to check up on that part of his little brother’s life. Hosek simply assumed that Youngho had resolved things with whoever he liked. Maybe he stopped liking them along the way. Maybe he told their parents and took the elixir. 

It never occurred to him that his parents could possibly call him months later yelling frantically about Youngho being in the hospital with lung problems. 

Hoseok had run out of his class and into a bus that would take him to his hometown a few hours away. 

It broke his heart to see his brother lying in a hospital bed and thinking that it was his fault.

“Youngho!” their mother pouted as she grabbed her son’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me you had Hanahaki disease? Are you crazy?”

Youngho sighed. It sounded weak. Hoseok felt a pang in his heart. “I don’t know, mom,” he said softly. His gaze then fell on Hoseok, causing his mother to turn and see who he was looking at. 

His mother’s worried gaze relaxed a little bit, “ah, Hoseok. You’ve finally arrived!” She stood up and went to give him a hug. 

Hoseok hugged her back, “what happened?”

His mother pushed back. Her eyes narrowed. It was as if Hoseok had reignited a fire that had burned out. “Youngho has Hanahaki!” She pointed at her youngest son, “for months apparently! He collapsed today in his football practice from chest pains. Coach called an ambulance once he saw the flower petals.”

“Great, now everyone in my team knows I have it,” Youngho muttered, pouting and crossing his arms. 

His mother glared at him before turning back to Hoseok, sighing, “doctors are doing tests now. We want to make sure everything is okay before we administer the elixir.” She frowned, worried, “he's had this for so long. Doctors are sure he has lung damage. Just not quite sure the extent yet.” 

Hoseok frowned. There was another pang in his chest. This was all his fault. “I’m sorry, Youngho.” 

To his mother, that might have seemed like the normal, run-of-the-mill, empathetic, pitying kind of apology. Hoseok meant it though, completely, and he hoped that Youngho had heard him and understood what he truly meant. He was not expecting to be forgiven though. 

The doctor entered the room. Hoseok’s mother walked, almost ran, to him, “so doctor?” She raised her arms, almost ready to grab the doctor’s coat, “what is happening with my son?”

The doctor sighed, looking at what Hoseok assumed were his doctor notes, “there is lung damage. It’s not as bad as we expected, but it’s still there.” 

Hoseok’s mother frowned, “how bad?” 

“In simple terms,” the doctor stared at his doctor notes, “once the treatment is done, even after he is fully healed, he will still have a shortness of breath and symptoms similar to that of asthma. His lungs will not be able to go back to working at full capacity.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Youngho asked from the bed. 

The doctor looked at him, “you said that you were a bit of an athlete, right?” Youngho nodded slowly. The doctor sighed, “I’m sorry, kid. I don’t think you will be able to play sports anymore.” 

Youngho blinked, analyzing, and everyone stayed quiet, like they were waiting for him to break down. Youngho simply moved to look at his hands and nodded, “oh…” 

Hoseok frowned. Youngho was not like Hoseok when it came to expressing his emotions. He tended to keep it all in, to show that he was fine with whatever. Hoseok knew that it affected him. Youngho loved doing his sports. Not being able to play them anymore though they were a stable part of his life for so long must destabilize him. Hoseok wanted to cry. 

“You should come with me to finish the remaining paperwork,” the doctor motioned to Hoseok and Youngho’s parents. Their mother gave Youngho one last pitying look before leaving with their father after the doctor. 

Hoseok looked at Youngho and slowly walked towards him, “I really am sorry, Youngho. I never expected this to happen.”

Youngho did not answer him at the moment nor did he look at him. “So is this what Hanahaki leads to, Hoseok?” 

Hoseok froze for a second. No, that was not what it was supposed to lead to. “Youngho,” he wanted to explain, but he was not sure what to explain. 

“Is this what you always do when you have Hanahaki, Hoseok?” Youngho asked him quietly. 

Hoseok gulped, “kind of… I don’t take it this far.”

Youngho gulped, “it was painful weeks even before I collapse. Why would you do this to yourself?” Hoseok pouted. He did not know what answer he could give to make Youngho understand. It was better to love and loss than to have not loved at all. That was not the most important thing to a middle schooler though. Hoseok was dumb to think that Youngho would think like him. “It’s dumb. It’s stupid. It ruins you! You shouldn’t do it,” Youngho finally looked at Hoseok, glaring. 

All Hoseok could do was nod, “okay.”

________________

 

Hoseok shook his head, “no, that’s not possible.”

“And why not?” Jooheon raised an eyebrow. 

Hoseok shook his head, “people don’t just like me like that, not without me liking them alone first.”

Jooheon frowned, pitying, “you don’t really believe that, right?” Hoseok looked at him but did not answer. Jooheon sighed, “you can’t really think like that. You’re totally likable material, Hoseok! I’m very sure you’ve attacked the lungs of many people without even knowing it. Trust me. I would know.” Hoseok chuckled and rolled his eyes. Jooheon smiled, putting his elbows on the table and resting his head on his hands. “So, is Kihyun really the reason you come here often?” He teased.

Hoseok imitated his position, “maybe.” He then leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his drink. 

“You do like him,” Jooheon nodded and went to eat his cake, “and he must like you, too, since you’re not coughing up a lung at the moment.” He let out a satisfactory noise when he swallowed a piece of the cake, “wow, this is good.” 

Hoseok smiled and looked at the cashier. Kihyun was not there anymore. Hoseok looked around and spotted Kihyun calmly cleaning a table. “You think it’s possible?” Kihyun liking him back. Hoseok liking Kihyun, and Kihyun liking him back. Hoseok could repeat it a hundred times and it still seemed unreal. 

“Of course, why not?” Jooheon said nonchalantly. “You should ask him. Get his number and text him. Flirt. Get a date. Come on.” 

Hoseok chuckled, “Jooheon, what the hell?” 

Jooheon scoffed, “it’s not that hard.” He looked behind Hoseok, “oh look, he’s coming this way. Watch and learn. Kihyun!” He waved Kihyun over. Hoseok turned around and saw that Kihyun was indeed coming his way. He turned back around quickly. 

“How is everything? Is everything okay?” Kihyun glanced at Hoseok before his eyes set on Jooheon.

“Everything’s fantastic,” Jooheon nodded and Hoseok agreed, low-key wanting Kihyun to look at him instead. 

Kihyun nodded back, “that’s good.” He smiled. 

Jooheon placed his hands on the table excitedly. “Kihyun! It really has been so long since I have last seen you. We need to catch up and see how each other is doing,” Jooheon grinned. 

Kihyun blinked. Shocked by the sudden outburst, Hoseok assumed. He slowly nodded, “yes, that’s true. It’d be nice to catch up with an old schoolmate.” 

“Here,” Jooheon pulled out his phone. “Put your phone number and I’ll text you,” he smiled. 

Kihyun smiled back and did as he was told. “Send me a message with your name so I know that it’s you,” Kihyun said as he passed the phone back. 

Jooheon nodded, “will do.” He put his phone away. 

“Alright, I should head back to work now,” Kihyun said. He looked at Hoseok, and Hoseok really wished he had something to say, something that will make Kihyun stay just a bit longer. “Anything else?” 

“Your cakes never fail to be delicious,” Hoseok wanted to slap himself. Jooheon choked on his drink. 

Kihyun’s cheeks tinted pink. “Right, thank you,” he said shyly before leaving the table. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Jooheon laughed once Kihyun was far away to not hear. “You always say you have the smoothest words but then you say shit like that?” He laughed louder. 

Hoseok pouted and looked away. “Kihyun renders me speechless,” he muttered quietly, but Jooheon heard him. 

“Wow,” Jooheon shook his head in disbelief. He massaged his chest, “and you still refuse to believe that you’re in love with him?” Hoseok looked at him with a frown. Hoseok did not refuse it; he simply feared it being true. Jooheon chuckled, “Minhyuk’s gonna hate you when he finds out you’re in love with an art institute student.”

Hoseok chuckled, “the art majors still have it out for the art institute students?”

“Always, Minhyuk says,” Jooheon smiled. 

“What happened anyways?” Hoseok vaguely knew the story of why art majors like Minhyuk hated the art institute students.

“Something about the art institute students supposedly cheating to win the art competition against our students some ten years ago. I don’t remember,” Jooheon shrugged, then pointed a finger at Hoseok, “but remember, we hold grudges well.” 

Hoseok chuckled, nodding. He smiled, thinking of Minhyuk. It had been a while since they had last seen each other. “How is he anyways? Minhyuk?”

Jooheon shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in a week, but I think that he might be in Europe now. I don’t know.” He shook his head. Hoseok nodded. 

Minhyuk, like the wind and the river, could still not be held down. Not even school could do it, so he took a gap year and decided to explore the world. His location was rarely known. One week he was bowing to deers in Japan, and the next he was hugging giraffes in Kenya. His whereabouts were normally revealed after he had left whatever place he had been at. It was hard to keep track of him, but then again, Minhyuk did not like leaving tracks. 

Hoseok smiled fondly thinking of Minhyuk. It was rather strange, how Hoseok felt about Minhyuk. He was not in love with him, not since he forced himself to take the elixir after too much heartbreak. Those feelings were burned along with the petals, leaving Hoseok painfully coughing up black for weeks, but he still cared greatly for the other male. Thinking about Minhyuk was numbing. He felt it really on his chest, like there was something - feelings - that were supposed to be expressed at that moment yet were not. A hole was left behind once his feelings for Minhyuk dissipated. A hole not easily filled. Permanently at least. A hole that had been there since the first time he fell in love. Feelings for others could fill the hole, but feelings were easily yanked out of him every few months.

Thinking of Minhyuk was still pleasant though. Though Hoseok felt no romantic love for Minhyuk, he did remember loving him once. He still remembered what the infatuation caused in his chest. They were painful memories, but they were beautiful memories. 

Jooheon looked at Hoseok, “is everything okay between you and Minhyuk?”

Hoseok looked at Jooheon in surprise, “yeah, why do you say that?”

Jooheon shrugged, “you guys aren’t as close as you used to be. I was worried some shit happened.”

Shit did happen, Hoseok wanted to say. “It’s solved already,” Hoseok said instead. “We’ll be close again soon enough. I can’t wait for him to comeback in a few months.” So that they could solve whatever issues they had unsolved. Yes, Hoseok knew that it was hard to try and refriend a person who was a former crush, but Hoseok did not like Minhyuk anymore. He took the elixir. Falling in love with Minhyuk again was not possible. Minhyuk knew that, but he still tried to stay a little bit away from Hoseok, and that sure hurt Hoseok. Hoseok hoped Minhyuk came back for his little excursion around the world a changed person. One that was ready to befriend Hoseok again.

________________

 

It was in his third year that Hoseok realized that he might need some community service hours in order to be accepted to the graduate school he wanted to got to, so he signed up with some mentorship that his university offered. There, he was paired up to mentor a young, passionate Freshman by the name of Im Changkyun. 

Mentoring Changkyun never felt formal. They acted more like friends than mentor and mentee. Each time they met up, Hoseok felt like he learned more than he gave. There was something about Changkyun. Something that Hoseok could not get enough of. He liked Changkyun’s seriousness, and in that seriousness, his quirkiness. Changkyun knew how to relax and have a bit of fun even in stressful, serious situations, and he was able to make Hoseok feel good even in the worst of times. 

Hoseok knew he was falling in love. 

He hoped, prayed, to every god and entity, that it would not be that bad, that Hoseok was just simply growing fond of his cute mentee that sometimes brought him lunch or shyly showed him a self-composed song and who Hoseok gladly would walk back to the dorms in the afternoons they met. 

Of course, he proved himself wrong; he always did. 

As Hoseok sat on his bedroom floor with the first petal representing his new love, Hoseok thought back to his brother. His young brother laying in bed begging him to not extend Hanahaki longer than it should. His brother now arrived home early because he could no longer do sports. He spent the days locked in his room doing who knew what. His mother told Hoseok that she got him a puppy in hopes that it would bring him out of his room and busy his afternoons. It did not work. 

Hanahaki could ruin a person. The longer Hanahaki was left in the system, the more damaged it caused. Hoseok always let it stay in his system until he was on the brink of hospitalization. He knew that was bad for his body, for his lungs. He knew that they had to be damaged in some way. Hoseok has caught himself multiple times with shortness of breath and an inability to properly breathe. If he exercised for too long, he got an uncomfortable constriction in his chest that he used to not get a few years ago. 

If he kept up like this, he might damage his lungs enough to have to get a lung transplant, and that was hard to get in this world. Hoseok was slowly killing himself. 

In the cupboard of his bathroom, Hoseok had an elixir. It was the last of a prescription left behind from the last time he had Hanahaki. It would have to do. After all, most of his prescriptions were strong, designed to kill the disease while it was its strongest. His Hanahaki with Changkyun was just starting and it was weak. It did not need much to end. 

Normally, Hoseok would wait, but he owed it to his brother. This was exactly what he should have told Youngho to do. 

Hoseok looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and took a deep breath. Taking the elixir was never fun. It was not something that should be over thought, so without a second thought, Hoseok closed his eyes and used the elixir. It was used like a simple inhaler. The medicine ran through his respiratory system, burning up all the petals that should not be there. It was painful, like always, but Hoseok had gotten accustomed to the pain - to worse pain nonetheless since this had just been starting. It was numbing. 

After a few seconds, Hosek started coughing. He coughed towards the bathroom sink and charred pieces of now black petals came out. The bitter taste the petals normally left in his mouth was now accompanied by the cold, vile taste of the elixir. He will keep coughing up these burned petals for a few more hours to days, but after that, he will be numb, completely void of feelings for Changkyun. 

Nothing happened in the days after Hoseok rushed to take the elixir. His relationship with Changkyun was the same, except that now he did not have feelings for the younger man. Now Hoseok could focus on doing what he really needed to do as a mentor instead of daydreaming what it would feel like to hold Changkyun’s hand and kiss his cheek and give him a hug that lasted more than three seconds. 

Changkyun might have noticed. Hoseok saw him become more distant and awkward with him. Their meetings returned back to its mentoring tasks instead of just being hangouts between friends. Hoseok wondered if he had done something wrong. Changkyun interacting with him had become a bit awkward, but not really in a bad way, just in a bit concerning, have-I-done-anything-wrong-to-you-lately-please-tell-me way. 

Changkyun still brought him lunches at times that always had something comical or so very-Changkyun in them. Hoseok will never stop enjoying them or enjoying the way Changkyun’s cheeks flared up when Hoseok told him that he appreciated the lunch. Hoseok might not like him anymore but that did not mean that he no longer found Changkyun cute. 

One afternoon, after a meeting together, Changkyun had asked Hoseok if he could walk him back to his dorm. Hoseok agreed, always happy to accompany his mentee back to his dorm. Their conversations during the walk were short but charming. Hoseok never got tired of speaking to Changkyun. There was never a boring topic with the younger male and Hoseok hoped that they could be friends even after the mentorship program was over. 

Maybe being friends was the best thing that could happen with Changkyun. Having this pleasant relationship was much better than painfully pinning, desperately hoping for a relationship that was not meant to happen. Hoseok really needed to reconsider his position on when to take the Hanahaki elixir. He kind of liked this better than having loved and lost.

“Hoseok, wait,” Changkyun grabbed his wrist once Hoseok said farewell to him at the entrance of the freshman dorms.

Hoseok looked at him, “what is it, Changkyunie?” 

Changkyun was not looking at him. His eyes shifted downwards from side to side. “I-” he took a deep breath and looked at Hoseok, “I like you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened, shocked. 

Shit… 

________________

 

“Are you really not going to ask him out?” Jooheon asked suddenly in the middle of studying in the cafe for the fourth time. 

Hoseok looked at him. “Are you really asking this now?” He sighed. 

“Hoseok,” Jooheon frowned, “if you’re not looking at the papers, you’re giving him lovey-dovey eyes.”

“So?” Hoseok shrugged, hoping to sound like it was not a big deal. It was though. His heartbeat had increased. 

“When you’re not looking,” Jooheon leaned closer to him, “he’s giving them to you back.” Hoseok blinked, surprised. “For real, Hoseok,” Jooheon huffed, frustrated, “why do you refuse to believe that he likes you back?” 

“It’s not that I refuse to believe,” Hoseok frowned, “it’s just that-”

“He’s not going to hurt you, Hoseok,” Jooheon said, serious, like he meant every word, like he had spoken right into Hoseok’s soul.

Hoseok felt like he was caught, like a secret, a deeply hidden fear, was brought in the open. Hoseok shook his head, “you don’t know that.”

“You don’t know that either,” Jooheon said. “I used to know Kihyun pretty well back in high school. He’s a good guy. I’ve talked to him recently, too. He mentions you a lot, you know? I have also never seen a barista come up to someone’s table to see how they are doing. No one does that here. Only Kihyun, and only to you. He is not going to hurt you.” 

It all came back to Hoseok. All the hurt he had experienced throughout the years: the pain of the realization of loving far more in a relationship than the other person, the pain of forbiddenly longing for someone in hopes that something could happen between them, the pain of loss and the fear of commitment, the pain of losing hope for love, and the pain of giving up on a relationship before it even started. 

Hoseok realized that he had already given up on Kihyun. Changkyun’s hurt expression when Hoseok continuously apologized to him and explain why he could not be with him flashed through Hoseok’s head. Hoseok did not want that to happen again, especially with Kihyun possibly liking him back. 

Hoseok looked around the cafe frantically for Kihyun. 

“What are you doing?” Jooheon asked, confused. 

“Kihyun…” he was wanted to ask where Kihyun was, but his words did not want to come out fully. 

Jooheon seemed to have understood what he wanted to say. He sighed, “Kihyun left a few minutes ago. He might be at the bus stop already if he takes the b- Hoseok!” 

Hoseok ran out recklessly, without thinking about what exactly he wanted to do, leaving all of his things behind. He ran to the nearest bus stop up the street. 

Kihyun was in line to board the bus when Hoseok spotted him. A single yell of his name caused him to stop in his tracks and look around to find who had called him. Hoseok called him again and Kihyun looked at him.

“Hoseok?” Kihyun asked once Hoseok was within earshot. “What are you doing here?” It was Spring. The petals of the tree next to the bus stop were falling. A few petals landed on Kihyun.

For once, Hoseok was glad that he exercised as much as he did. He would not want to be breathless for this moment. Curse his bad lungs though. He still was. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. 

Kihyun tilted his head and smiled, “Why?” He chuckled out. 

Hoseok gulped, “because I should have told you this sooner, but I haven’t yet.” He was not sure where he was going with this, but it was now or never. 

Kihyun waited for him to speak. Hoseok stayed quiet, waiting for Kihyun to say something. He was not ready to speak just yet. “Which is?” Kihyun tentatively asked, raising a brow. 

Hoseok took a deep breath. Now or never, he reminded himself. “I think,” he shook his head, think of everything Jooheon had told him and of everything he had noticed himself but had chosen to ignore, “no, I know I like you.” His voice became quieter by the end of the sentence, reducing the impact he wanted it to have. He still said it though. That was what mattered. 

Kihyun did not move, did not react, and Hoseok was ready for another rejection. He was ready for Kihyun to back away and apologize. Hoseok looked up at the sky. He wished he had not listened to Jooheon. 

Once Hoseok looked back down, he saw that Kihyun was smiling, softly and pleasantly. “What a relief,” he sighed out, grinning. “I was starting to think of ways to tell you myself,” he chuckled. “I thought it was rather obvious.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened, “t-that means you-”

Kihyun stepped forward in an unexpected move and kissed Hoseok’s cheek. “I know I like you, too, dummy,” he smiled, and it was the most beautiful smile Hoseok had ever seen. 

Hoseok was stunned. He was sure his cheeks were red. It burned where Hoseok had kissed him. He was ready to self-combust now. He let out a laugh instead, relieved. Kihyun laughed with him. “I have to go now,” Kihyun said and patted Hoseok’s cheek.”My bus is about to leave,” he motioned to the bus with his head. “Your friend has my number. Tell him to give it to you. Call me, aright?” Kihyun raised an eyebrow, and Hoseok nodded vigorously. Kihyun smiled and stepped away from Hoseok. He looked at him for a seconds before saying goodbye and getting on the bus. 

Hoseok watched the bus drive away. A soft feeling resided in his heart, one that he had not felt in a long time. He was so happy, so ecstatic. 

As fast as he could, Hoseok ran back to the cafe, where Jooheon was starting to begrudgingly clean up the mess of class notes Hoseok left behind. Hoseok rushed to the table and slammed his hands on the desk, scaring the living hell out of Jooheon making scream in fear and alerting all the other patrons of the cafe. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Jooheon yelled, still trying to calm his breathing. 

“I did it, Jooheon,” Hoseok grinned. He heard his happiness in his voice. “Quick, give me Kihyun’s number. I need to call him,” he hit the table softly a few times, excitedly.

Jooheon sighed in relief, “finally.” He took his phone out and smiled at Hoseok before having to clear his throat. He handed Hoseok the phone with Kihyun's number on the screen and Hoseok excitedly grabbed it. There was even a bounce in his step. “Hey,” Jooheon placed a hand on Hoseok's shoulder. Hoseok looked at him, smiling, and Jooheon smiled back, half the smile Hoseok had, “I’m happy of you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok wondered for only a split second why that smile seemed a little pained.

**Author's Note:**

> The Kiho tag needs some love so I am here to love it.  
> I may or may not love Minhyuk a lot to give special thought to his character here and I may or may not have a thing for Wonhyuk. I guess we will never know. If I do, which I may or may not, it sure will not overthrow Kiho. Kiho is too good.  
> I'm pretty sure Youngho is not the name of Wonho's actual brother but I needed a name.  
> My goal for this story was to write a little bit of every Wonho ship, so I hope I have accomplished that!  
> I also wanted to work on my description of things. I hope I did well there, too!  
> Guys, there's an actual giraffe hotel in Kenya where you can play with giraffes and I want to go there so badly. There's also a place in Japan where the deer bow back if you bow to them. Amazing. I want to go there, too.  
> Thank you very much for reading this story! I hope you liked it and, like a YouTuber would say, leave your comments down below! <3 lmao  
> I'm sorry for any spelling errors and such. I am a one person team. I don't have a beta. There are things that I sometimes don't notice until it's too late sigh...  
> Thank you for reading again! See you in my next story, bye-bye!


End file.
